Summary

After thirteen weeks of LMS, I felt that I have learnt a lot and that I can say I am a different person thirteen weeks ago. I have learnt about anger management, conflict management and time management. Before I took this module, I looked at conflict, anger and time management at a different perspective. I thought anger was a feeling a normal person would feel when he is provoked; I didn’t know there were so much to anger. I assumed conflict to be a small quarrel that would soon die down and that it was inevitable in our life, but now I know how to avoid a conflict and the solutions to salvage the situation.

All this skills proved to be in good use in my daily life; for example, time management is how I allocate my time to do work and enjoy. Although conflict and anger management is not applied daily, it is useful when the situation arises. LMS teaches us to plan out what we are going to do in mind before acting, this is to minimize conflict and for us to consider the effects and consequences of yourself and the other party for the act.

About the group assignment, I feel that my main weakness is my mentality about the assignment in the first place. At the start of the project, I kept thinking that “since IS is not a main module, why care? And it’s a very boring module.” I became uninterested in the project until the holidays, where my group leader were all stressed up doing the script and getting us to act it out. I can’t be bothered to do anything. However, we had lots of fun during the filming process and I enjoyed it very much. It was a sense of self-satisfactory that kept me going till the end of the project. My group members were the ones who made the project a fun and memorable one.

LMS sure have helped me in thinking more about myself and others and about the “big picture” instead of the “small picture”. It has improved my life tremendously and I enjoyed attending all of the lessons.

Managing Conflicts

I have learnt a lot on how to manage conflicts as taught in the lesson. Conflict involves struggles, disagreements, disputes or quarrels. Conflict arises when two or more groups perceive that their needs, interests, views, values or goals are incompatible. The factors of conflict are needs (competing, neglect), differing perceptions, power (gaining an unfair advantage), values (incompatible), and feelings and emotions (heart ruling the head).

However, there is a positive side to conflicts as the outcome of conflict improves self-awareness, strengthen relationships, promotes group cohesion, promotes creativity, helps problem-solving and can be fun and motivating. There are 5 different management styles, namely accommodating, avoiding, collaboration, compromising and competing. Accommodating means one party gives up and follows the other party’s way (you win/I lose). Avoiding means to avoid the issues or runs away (both party loses). Collaborating means to find a way to resolve the conflict and do it together (both parties win). Compromising means to come to a mutually acceptable solution (win some/lose some). Competing means that both parties are fighting to win (win/lose).

In group assignment 3, I have learnt to work well with my team and to manage conflict. We minimized the occurrence of conflict during the assignment through compromising and collaborating. I have found out that I am partly an accommodating and collaborating kind of person. I let my group members lead me until I found out something is unfair, and then I will find ways to express my thoughts and resolve the problem together. The Kate Anderson’s Model for Conflict Resolution is a useful way to resolve conflicts. By using this method, my group has avoided some possible conflicts that may have arisen from different perceptions. As stated in the Kate Anderson’s Model for Conflict Resolution, conflict can be resolved by identifying your needs, then reaching out to find the other person’s needs, followed by listening to the other person and lastly, propose a solution that supports both persons’ needs.

The strategies and techniques that I would use to manage a conflict would be through Kate Anderson’s model. There are 4 steps in the model. Step 1 is to identify me needs, such as what do I want? Why do I want it? What do I feel about the situation? What can I do about my negative emotions? What makes me think I’m not getting what I want or need? Step 2 is to reach out to find the other person’s needs, such as asking open-ended questions, observe non-verbal and verbal language and identifying emotions. Step 3 is to listen to the other person through Looking and Leaning, Ignoring distractions, Suspending judgment, Telling them what I’ve heard, Experiencing their side and Not interrupting. The last step is proposing a solution that supports both person’s needs, which includes brainstorming for solutions, identifying points of agreement between both parties, discussing the differences between your suggested solutions, finding ways to satisfy each other’s needs or interests and gaining the other party’s approval to the proposed solution.

Anger Management

In this lesson, I have learnt a lot on anger management, such as the triggers of anger, the impact anger has on thought patterns, physiological change and behavior. I also learn how to manage and express anger more effectively.

Anger is a feeling that we experience when we are frustrated because our needs and expectations are not met. These feelings of frustrations, hurt and disappointment are released as anger. It may also occur when the build-up of past grudges and resentment is overwhelming and cannot be contained. There are triggers and stimuli that spark off the anger in most people. They are environment, culture, individual perception-attitudes, thoughts and perceptions-emotional state and fitness and health. This will then lead to physiological/physical response such as breathing difficulties and increased heart rate and blood pressure, emotional responses such as fear, frustration and rejection, and behavioral responses.

I have learnt about the COW behavioral styles. It consists of Control, Outburst and Withdrawal. I think that control behavioral style is what we should adopt when we are angry as this helps to minimize the damage done to both parties. In the control behavioral style, we should keep cool and try to understand the situation or identify the problem. Then we should examine the reasons for your behavior and feelings as well as those of the other person, walk away and return when the situation is calm and evaluate the situation.

One of the techniques that I have found out to be very useful is the RAP – anger management strategy. The R in RAP represents Recognise that your are angry and Reduce physical symptoms of anger. A represents Analyse and change your thoughts and P means Plan. This is a very useful strategy as it helps me to solve a lot of my disputes with my friends and family. In R, I have to recognize and acknowledge that I am angry and try to calm myself down. In A, I have to analyse and change my thoughts. As there will be negative internal dialogue, I will have to analyse them and change them into more positive ones. Lastly, I will have to plan on achieving the desired outcome. These few steps are easy but useful when dealing with anger.

An experience with anger that I experience recently was when I quarreled with one of my friend. He accused me of doing something I didn’t do and I was very angry about it. We quarreled and after that I ignored him. After today’s lesson, I would have used the Control behavior style and RAP to resolve this conflict. I would stay cool and try to understand the situation, examine the reasons for the behavior and feelings of the other person and evaluate the situation. Using the RAP method, I would calm myself down and recognize that I am angry. Then I will analyse my thoughts and plan how to bring it across that I was accused. This would have resolved the situation more peacefully in that heated up situation I was in.

Time and Priority Management

In this lesson, I have learnt a lot on self-awareness and self-esteem. Self-awareness and self-esteem is very important as it affects my life and the people around me. I have learnt that with self-awareness, I can better communicate with my peers and it can help me be what I want to be.

I have also learnt about what is Johari’s window. Johari’s window is basically a few boxes that can help a person determine his arena, blind spot, façade and unknown area. By using the Johari’s window, I can know my arena, which are things that I know and my friends know, façade, which are things that I know and my friends don’t, and the blind spot, which is the things my friends know and I don’t. To improve myself, I have to determine my blind spot. This can be done by getting feedbacks from my friend. I feel that it is important to be open and willing to give feedback and receive feedback.

One of the factors affecting my self image and self esteem negatively is my personality. I seldom talk to people, unless to friends, and this has caused me to be dependent on them. I usually feel very uneasy when communicating with other people that I don’t know. I will take quite a long time to know my friends even if we are in the same class, unless we share a common interest and we can use that subject as a medium for communication. I plan to fix this by asking help from my friends and try to talk more when people I don’t know is talking to me. Another problem is that I don’t know myself well enough. I am not very sure what my strong points are and where I have to improve myself. This can be fixed by getting feedback from my friends. However, I am very happy and lucky to have found trustworthy friends that accept who I am and what I am.

Imagining myself 5 years later, which is after national service, I might further my studies depending on the grades of my tertiary education. I think I might look the same except with a bigger body size. I would like people to remember me for being loyal, trustworthy and fun to be with. My goal is simple, to live life to its fullest. Steps in which I can reach my goal is to do my best in whatever I do and do not give up. Finding time to spend with my friends and living a trouble-free life with a stable income is what I hope to do and have in the future.